Tomorrow marks the end of something that I have worked my entire life for. From the moment I took my first breath, after escaping my mum's womb, each day I have worked towards what we call - having a job.
I always thought that I could have it all, career, husband, children and a place to call home. In my mind, I do have it all - the career is just being put into the background until the little men are at school.
All of those other things, I have, and at this moment in time, those are the most important things that I need to focus on.
When I stand at the kinder gate in a few weeks time, I won't have to rush off to work. I will be able to stand there for as long as I want.... without looking like some kind of freaky parent that just can't let go of course! I will be able to savour the moment, cherish every tiny detail that is washing over my son's face and body, be there for the next chapter in my son's life.
I still feel nervous about finishing work tomorrow, and I know that I shouldn't. When I spoke with one of my bosses today, I apologised for having to resign, I feel like I am letting them down. I know I shouldn't feel this way, that this move that I am making is the right one for us. However, that's just the kind of person that I am, always putting others before me, when really sometimes I should be focusing on doing something for me. I need to let go of the feeling that my working career has gone, it hasn't gone, it is just on a holiday until I need it back in my life.
Change - The act or instance of making or becoming different
Maybe my word to live by for 2013 is Change?
I need to become different, do something for me?
Ok Thursday the 17th of January, come on down, it's time for us to meet and work through this change. I'm nervous, scared, but at the same time I feel like a weight has been lifted from me. Change, please be my friend on this day, hold my hand, guide me through the emotions, and then join me when it is all over for a Champagne!
Have you ever "suspended" your paid working life to become an unpaid domestic motherly goddess?
I'm doing it right now Buffy! Though I have never quite reached the status of domestic goddess, haha!
ReplyDeleteBut I am here to tell you that every emotion you are feeling is completely normal. I had those very thoughts on my last day of 'paid' employment... albeit for different circumstances to you, as my role was made redundant and I chose not to take another role. But for exactly the same reasons as you though. My boys need me and whilst I thought I could juggle both work and home life, I really couldn't, I'm just not cut out that way. So yes, here I am going into my second year of being a stay-at-home Mama and at times it does feel weird and a little isolated. But these young years with your children are so fleeting, you'll be back in the workforce before you know it. Just enjoy this next chapter, your boys are going to love having you around more xoxo