Friday, February 24, 2012
Time to return........well, try too!
I feel like I haven't written in ages, I haven't put pen to paper, fingers to keyboard - but that doesn't mean that my thoughts have not stopped!
Ever since I returned to work, the wheels have at times, fallen off the wagon. "This" Wagon, is a lot more rickety since pre October. Poor little blue eyed Charlie has had constant ear infections, to be precise, 6 in 4 months. Now let me tell you, that's a lot of sleepless nights and a pretty miserable bubba at times. However, he really tries to be a trooper and after having so many, we can pick the warning signs as soon as one hits. I feel like I am solely paying my doctors wages and keeping the chemist's cash flow going nicely too - but I constantly have to remind myself, it really could be a lot worse. Sleep deprivation is tough, and for some reason an ear infection always seems to hit on one of those days that I have to work. Bleary eyed I drag myself out of bed before the sun has even woken up. Insert caffeine drip (not really, just a take away skinny latte to kick start my drive!). Although, sometimes I think caffeine inserted straight into my veins would have a much more desired effect.... And I soldier on, because I have too, because this is what mother hood is all about. This is what I signed up for when those little tadpoles swam their hearts out to reach my eggs to bless us with our two beautiful boys.
I always knew what kind of mother I wanted to be, and at times I am definitely not that mummy.
But I try my best, and I like to think that my boys know that - what am I saying, of course they know that. Their cuddles, kisses, wanting to hold my hand, sing and dance with them, play trains, run on the beach, wrestling, reading of books, mummy this, mummy that (sometimes I want to change my name from mummy when I hear it 100 million times a day!)
They love me every second of every day, with every inch of their bodies. Through tantrums, tears, laughter and smiles, I am their mummy, the mummy that makes everything just right for them. And that makes me happy and complete.
Many people I know would give their all just to have that extra heartbeat in their home. That pure soft skin to comfort in the middle of the night, someone that calls them mummy.
So, I may not always be the mummy that I want to be, but I feel blessed that I just got given the chance to be one.