Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Monday, June 6, 2011

Remembering my Nana - goodbye was all I could say

Nana, it was the 13th of December, 1993, sunrise would soon be upon us.  There was no way I was going to be able to escape from this fateful day.  This was the day that saved you from suffering any longer, those months of agony would soon be over, your last breath was imminent.
By the time I arrived at your bedside, you were already in a come.  You wanted me to be there when you passed away, and I was.  Although you were secured in a coma like a caterpillar in a cocoon, I know you still felt my presence.
The hospital already had the smell of death, someone had passed away just as I reached your bedside.  Why do people have to die?  You lay there motionless, your frail body looked as though it ached each time you took a breath of fresh air. I held your hand and quietly prayed for you to move on to greener pastures.  It seemed as though you did not want to leave me, but the best thing for you at this time in life, was to let go.
You always thought that you were having treatment to stop fluid from forming on your left lung.  The doctor said that if you were to be told that you had bowel cancer, it would increase your chances of going into shock and dying sooner.  Over seven months, cancer had riddled your entire beautiful body.  It upset me to see you suffer in the way that you did. There is no doubt about it, dying of cancer is extremely cruel.
Many hours passed by, and I was still holding your withered hand.  Your breathing was becoming slower and I knew that the time would soon arrive when I would have to say my final goodbye.  I was dreading the moment, and each time I thought about you leaving me, I had to swallow hard to prevent myself from vomiting.
Sitting by your bedside, allowed constant flashbacks of what I had achieved in spending time with you.  You shaped part of what I am today and I thank you for that.  Each time I saw you, your eyes had a radiant glow. You were always so happy to see me, you told me that whatever happened in life, your love would always be with me.
You were given yet another shot of morphine, this is what had been helping you through the excruciating pain. I believed it was your food which kept you alive.  The morphine did not take long to relieve you from all of that pain that had kept you suffering for many months.  I witnessed your last breath, and I will never forget that moment.  I was stroking your head and holding your hand when you had your final shot of morphine.
Never, never will your family forget you nan, and I will never forget your lovely cheery smile and wave of your hand, after all you had been through.  I wish that I could have done more for you, though goodbye was all I could say.

1 comment:

  1. Oh nan this is so beautifully written, it gave me shivers, your nan would be so proud of who you are today xx